11/28/13
Jesus's love is incredible. It's not the "warm-fuzzies" kind of love but rather it was in what He did. He actually gave up His life so that I could live and be in relationship with the Father. The gravity of what He did is shown in the reason and the circumstances under which He did it. He chose to die for me while I was still a sinner in rebellion against Him. He did not choose to save me because of anything I could give Him in return or because of something I could contribute to the world; I had nothing to offer. Father God decided that I was valuable to Him. His love for me has no beginning, no end, no measurement, and no reason known to man. He loved me, therefore He decided that it was worth it for His Son to die so that I could be saved. This is the love that is referred to in Ephesians 3:16-19, not the warm-fuzzies. This is messy, painful, give-all kind of love, and it is the same love we are called to live in with God and with the people He has made. He is to be our first love. All of my love is for Him. As I give all my love to Him, I am able to experience (not just know about) the abundant fullness of His love toward me. Out of the vast overflow of that love, I am able to love the people around me- including family, friends, and significant others. If I don't give my love first to Him and experience the outpouring of His love to me, I am only left to love others with my own love which will always be flawed and never be enough. But when I elevate Father God above all others and all else, He fills me in turn with His love which is more than enough to share with the people in my life. If I truly want to love others the way I say I do, the best thing I can do is to make them second to God in my life so that out of the fullness of Him, I have something to offer them.
Friday, May 30, 2014
5/23
It feels like my life is falling apart into shambles all around me. I feel such an absence of hope, so little reason to believe I will ever be happy. Everything and everyone that means anything to me is slowly drifting away and little by little I'm finding I have little for which to live. And yet, no reason to die. I don't want to die. I realize that's not the answer. It wouldn't be an escape but rather an expedited journey to judgement. I believe that wholeheartedly and so it acts as an invisible tether keeping me from going too far down the path of self destruction. But that doesn't change where I am now. Maybe it should. Maybe if I believe in the God who judges in death, it should color my belief in the same God who saves and restores in life. But, for some reason, all of what I know is really hard to see when I'm in this place. This place is dark and it feels empty and lonely. The truth sounds far off and echo-y while all kinds of lies start to permeate my thinking space. All day long my mind replays the things that feel wrong or sad or overwhelming.
It feels like my life is falling apart into shambles all around me. I feel such an absence of hope, so little reason to believe I will ever be happy. Everything and everyone that means anything to me is slowly drifting away and little by little I'm finding I have little for which to live. And yet, no reason to die. I don't want to die. I realize that's not the answer. It wouldn't be an escape but rather an expedited journey to judgement. I believe that wholeheartedly and so it acts as an invisible tether keeping me from going too far down the path of self destruction. But that doesn't change where I am now. Maybe it should. Maybe if I believe in the God who judges in death, it should color my belief in the same God who saves and restores in life. But, for some reason, all of what I know is really hard to see when I'm in this place. This place is dark and it feels empty and lonely. The truth sounds far off and echo-y while all kinds of lies start to permeate my thinking space. All day long my mind replays the things that feel wrong or sad or overwhelming.
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