It feels good and comforting just to see his name. To know that he's there, even if I can't talk to him. I hate the thought of not being able to talk to him. I wrote a sort of letter to give him to explain to some extent what's going on. Explaining why I've been distant and why I'll continue to be without giving too much information. On one hand, I really want to let him know so that he won't feel like I'm just brushing him off. On the other hand, I dread sending it because I trust he'll respect my wishes and stop talking to me and I really don't want him to stop talking to me. It feels like the point of no return. Once I send that message, it seems things will be official and I really will have lost him :'(