I just want it all to go away. I fear I've made a mess of so much. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to be anymore. But that can't be right. Sometimes I have fleeting thoughts wanting bad things to happen to me, thinking that it doesn't matter anymore anyway. But that can't be right either. But there's this darkness, this hole that I find myself in. And the stresses of life make it just that much heavier. I've never gone this far down before. At least not that I recall.
I laughed tonight. I've started realizing how much time goes by without laughing. It feels nice to laugh.
Everything on me just feels so stressful right now. I feel like I can't handle it. Yesterday at work I was starting think I was gonna have a small breakdown. But I didn't. I did go to the breakroom though to stop and breathe. I feel like my emotions have been flying kind of out of control. I'm sure approaching and being on my period hasn't helped at all. But still, it's so big I don't even really feel like I can identify how I feel. And I get so exhausted and drained. I think it's emotional tiredness. Pardon the analogy, but I think maybe it's kind of like sex. There's all this build up til you hit a climax then you just can't take anymore and you fall asleep. Except this build up isn't pleasurable at all. It's actually quite miserable.