I sent him a message today. It was such a hard thing to do. I feel like this makes it official, like it's all different from here on out. Preparing to press "Send" is about the closest I've come to crying in awhile.

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So, I suppose I’d have to tell you this at some point regardless. I figure now is as good a time as any. You may have noticed a difference in my behavior towards you recently (knowing you, I’m sure you have). I feel like I owe you an explanation. I don’t want to risk hurting you unnecessarily (…Not to be presumptuous or anything. I’m just going off of how I’d feel in that situation).

There are actually a few different things at work here. We’ve talked a few times about the separation that would need to happen as you or I begin to date people. Being that our friendship is cross-gender, it’s just not appropriate for us to maintain the level of closeness we’ve had in the past. That time is here. I love ____. I can’t be the person in your life who makes her feel in anyway insecure in her relationship with you. I know, she’s a unique person and it seems many of the things others may experience, she’s kind of already past. But she’s still human and she’s still a girl. I can imagine how I would feel if the guy I was dating had a friendship with a girl that was as close as mine and yours. I can’t do that to her.

There’s also another layer to this. I’ve been evaluating my relationships recently and have realized that I’ve been depending on them too much for feelings personal fulfillment. This is something that I’m still thinking and praying through, but I need some distance in order to work through it.

So this is why I’ve been kind of distant lately and will continue to be at least for awhile. I hope you understand and that you’re not upset with me. You’ll always be special to me.