Beginning of the End?

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I’m sorry that this has been so confusing. That certainly was not my intent. If you couldn’t tell, there’s a lot going on in my mind right now. I’m really thinking through things and trying to honestly evaluate my life.

Sorry if the last message I sent you was not clear enough. I know you asked me about it on Friday but I really just didn’t have a response for you. I wasn’t expecting the conversation and was a bit at a loss for words.

You asked me what I needed from you. What I really need is space. A lot of space. It’s not because you’ve done anything wrong or because I’m upset with you at all. I’ve been thinking about our friendship and I’ve realized that I’ve become somewhat emotionally dependent on you. This would have been true regardless of whether or not you started dating ___, but your relationship with her and our ensuing separation made it a lot more clear to me. I’ve thought about it a lot and I’ve talked to ___, and I think the only way to fix it is for us to actually separate from each other. It’s kind of like re-breaking a bone in order to let it grow and heal properly. The “breaking” is the distance we put between ourselves. It’ll hurt like hell but it’ll be better for us both in the long run.

You said you would continue to pursue a friendship with me until I told you to back off. This is me telling you to back off. Not in a mean way, not because I’m mad at you or anything like that. Trust me when I say this is hard on me too. You can consider it a severance of sorts. At least for awhile. I don’t know how long it will need to be, but we should think months, not days or weeks.

What this looks like:

- We don’t hang out in person. Of course we can greet each other and all of that, but no meaningful conversations. No “How are you’s.”
- We don’t call each other.
- We don’t chat on IM

You’ll probably feel like I’m ignoring you sometimes, and I probably will be. But only for the sake of keeping that distance. I don’t enjoy this at all, but it’s what’s necessary for me right now and for the health of our friendship.

I love you, and I hope you understand this. And I really hope you’re not mad at me. I realize it sucks. Just remember, like I said before, this is hard for me too.

I wish you all the very best life has to offer and I mean that as literally as I know how.

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(By the way, I think it's important that this starts now. You may have some questions about some of it, but I really think it's best if we don't have a back and forth discourse about it as I don't think that would help this cause very well. I'm sorry, thank you for understanding.)
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