Lots to think about...

I find myself recently seriously wanting change in my life. It's weird because I'm pretty sure that things are going to really change soon. I graduate officially in less than two months. Then, I'll have some serious decision making to do. But for now, I'm really craving more order. I'm so tired of my room being messy, of not having time or energy to do things that I need or want to do, and of having the exact same answer every single time someone asks me what's going on in my life. I think I want to cut back some hours at work especially starting next year. I really want to do it now, but I need money for a lot of the things I have coming up. That need for money is also driving me to want to find a better job. That way I could work less but still have enough money for the things I need/want to do. I want to move out. I wanted to do that this semester, but it didn't work out. My hope is that I can find a job that pays me well enough that I can have at least 2 full days off of work each week (7 days) but still be able to support myself living in my own place. So many decisions.... do I go back to China for a year? Do I stay here and start working on staff for this same ministry that I've been involved in? I have a heart for both. I have good reasons for both. I still don't know what to do. I just want to talk to a completely unbiased source. Someone who is in no way connected to either decision but who would understand and appreciate both options. *Sigh* so much on my mind today. I don't know what to do. Before I get to all of that though, the first thing I want to do is to move upstairs to my brother's old room. I'd be closer to my mother, which would bring its own set of stress. But I would also then be within the law. I have to do the right thing. My next dilemma with that- do I bring my computer upstairs with me or leave it in a public area? I get so distracted by the internet. I think I would get a lot more done if it weren't in my room. I have reading I want to do, plans to make (once a direction is set out), and lots and lots of time that I need to spend with God. I think my computer sometimes distracts me from things like that. I used to be so thoughtful, so introspective and reflective. I wrote and I read. Once I had internet access, I found that I didn't do those things so much anymore. I even saw that when I got back from China and we had a blackout. I spent the day pouring through a novel that I had determined I wanted to read. But the next day when the power was back on, I was back online chatting, listening to music, and doing all the things that so easily distract me. Things like this lead me to believe that perhaps all of our advancements in technology are not necessarily such a good thing. Sure they can be useful tools, but anything that distracts us from our focus in Christ needs to be cut out. If your right eye offends you, pluck it out; if your right hand offends you, cut it off. It's better to be in the kingdom of heaven without a hand or an eye than to be in hell having all our members. Obviously, this isn't a direct quote but the idea is there. I'd rather "miss out" on some luxuries in life and live better for Christ than to everything my freedom in Christ allows me to have and because of it be less effective for Him. I haven't really thought that through a lot, but those are some things floating around in my head. Right now, though, I have to run and finish getting ready for work. Later...