If you're looking for love....

I've found myself in a bit of a slump lately. I've not been very diligent with my quiet times and scripture reading. I've been falling to temptation a lot too. Recently some debate has been coming up concerning the Faith. There's a guy in the group I help out with who used to believe like we do but is now questioning a lot of things and has, it seems, gone somewhat astray. Last week I was having a conversation with him, and, for some reason, it seemed to affect me more than something like that normally would. I felt weak and unable to shield myself properly against things that I know weren't true. I attribute it to my recent lack of grounding in Christ. I described it to someone as a fighter getting out of condition. They take more hits. It feels kind of like I've gotten out of spiritual conditioning, and it seems like it's affecting multiple facets of my life. Like I mentioned before, I've been struggling a lot with temptation and having a harder time making the right choice. I've also noticed a difference in my overall demeanor and emotional state. I've been feeling lonely. It's weird. I know I have people around me who care, but it still feels like I'm missing something. I miss human touch and affection and intimacy I guess. And it doesn't seem like there's anyone around to give me those things. And even when they do, it's still not quite what I'm looking for. I want to be taken care of. I miss that. I miss having people care about me and what's going on and being able to talk through life issues with someone. I know I have friends but 1) they don't seem particularly interested in that and 2) there are only a few who are actually good listeners and offer helpful feedback. That's not to be harsh; just honest. I miss being a part of the group and having a staff person. I felt more cared about then and I felt like I always had someone to talk to. I don't really feel like that anymore. I guess I'm not supposed to. I just sometimes wish I still had someone to pour into me. Is that selfish? I do, however, tend to think that a lot of this is a result of not spending quality alone time with Jesus. I think maybe I would feel cared for if I spent time with the One who cares the most. I'm flirting with those feelings again of feeling unloved. That's my temptation sometimes- to feel unloved even though I know it's not true. I guess I just don't have a lot of people responding to me right now in the ways that I tend to communicate love: physical touch and spending special time. I know that my friends love me in their own ways. I guess I just miss those other things too.